I had a very hard time sleeping last night. I am so SICK of the hot weather! When is fall coming? This heat makes me feel worse; I need to temperature to drop. 

When I actually got out of bed, I did not even make it down the hallway, before my legs gave out. What the hell is going on? I am wondering if it is because I may need vitamins. Could it be my spine? Apparently, I only have one disc in my entire spine, that is not herniated, or bulging. L3-4 is my lone standout. 

I am trying hard not to whine. This is very new to me. I just got this diagnosis at the end of June. For the 5 1/2 previous, I was just trying to survive. It is amazing how changing my diet has helped; I am still nauseous 24/7, but only vomit once a day, or so. I am also trying to come to terms with my anger with the V.A. I have not seen a VA doc since I got my diagnosis and am kind of afraid of what I will say to them. I actually have an appointment next month.

The weakness is getting to me the most. I lettered in three sports, every year durng high school, and had been very active. I loved running. Now, sometimes, I can barely make it to the livingroom.

Oh, and the judgement I get from others, when I actually leave my house. They look at me and assume that nothing is wrong. All they see is a tall, thin woman in heels and a dress. Well, if they bothered to ask, I would tell them that ever since my second neck surgery, if I wear any heel UNDER 4 inches, my entire spine hurts. If I wear ANY kind of waistband, I get very ill. So, dresses and heels it must be(my husband LOVES it).

I guess that I am done bitching for now. Have a good day.


7 thoughts on “Surprise!!

  1. You are not whining, you are expressing what happened to you and how you feel. I would be worried if you did not have strong feelings about the situation. You have had a serious life changing medical incident. I think you are doing great for what you are dealing with. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I want you to know that talking with you has made a big difference. I tried social media before, but everyone is so damn mean. I learned recently, that I have been isolating since I was 15 and went to high school. I will share a being bullied story, or two sometime. My only friend is my husband. My mom used to tell me that all we need is ONE friend, and we will be alright. She was my friend, until she died; then I went almost 20 years without another friend. Probably all my fault, but it is what it is. Anyway, thank you so much for your acceptance.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We are social beings. Sadly as you say being rude and mean has become an acceptable way to treat others online. I never understood that. I wouldn’t treat someone online differently than I would treat them in person. It is called being a civilized human. I wish it would come back in style again. People don’t form friendships like they use to. We all are too busy, going our separate ways to our separate functions. I live in a mobile home RV resort park so it tends to be more social here. Plus being ill, and in pain, it is harder to do things with others and really hard to enjoy any activities. You seem to have a plan as to how to deal with all this. I admire that. You are not giving up. That is grand. I do hope the VA doesn’t mess up what the other doctors are trying to do to help you. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We did get a bit of good news. My husband has ANOTHER comp and pen exam at the end of November. This is his fourth, in the fourth different place. THIS time, we have to drive over 100 miles- even further than the main VA hosp. It sounds like where you live is wonderful. Skip and I are working on buying a little place in the mountains. I am sure that the VA will do their BEST to fuck everything up, but I do have the civilian doctor, and my referral is good for one year. I will just make sure she keeps renewing it. This civilian GI doc is great! ALL the VA people(doctors and nurses) would talk shit to me about my weight. Like I was TRYING to bee 5 foot 9 inches and weigh 108 pounds. This civilian doc REALLY cares about how I feel. I was in the medical field for years, so I was never leary of going to the doctor- I now have more, or different PTSD, thanks to them. It is frustrating.I just wish that they would listen enough to start doing life-saving diagnostic tests, CORRECTLY. That makes too much sense for the federal government.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Well the place where we live has its good and it’s bad. All places do. We are working towards moving north again. That won’t be for a few more years though. Best to your husband, hope the exam is in his favor. Be well. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

  2. bethanyk

    It is so hard to be an athlete and then look at your windows and wish you could wash them or look at your floor and wish you could sweep it but your body has betrayed you!!!!! I know the feeling of legs giving out but mine is because of my muscle disease which causes this sudden weakness. I also have pain. But the weakness is the most bothersome because it keeps me from doing what I want to be doing. I wonder if yours is nerve compression of some sort.


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