It has been a very long time since I wrote my thoughts or feelings down; even for myself. I was in therapy for 8 years at the V.A.; twice a week for the first 4 years. I had the same therapist for 7 of those years.
My first therapist held me captive in her house, which made me suicidal. I called to hospital many times for help. FINALLY, the VA told me that they gave her a choice: retire, or be fired. Thankfully, I also found someone who gave a shit enough to help me get out of her house. How that all happened is another story.
I was the first patient with MST at my clinic; and the only one for quite awhile. The VA sent me to a 7 week inpatient MST program in Temple, TX. It was ridiculous on so many levels. I will share some of my experiences there, some other time. Let’s just say that I left with an entirely NEW set of traumas. I am extremely proud of myself for making it out of that place alive, and with some of my sanity still intact.
We had to do an amazing amount writing, which I did. We took all kinds of psychological tests, too many to mention. Anyway, we were each assigned a doctor. Mine would tell me over and over again that I was stoic- like that was a bad thing:). She broke me once, and was very proud of herself.
I had the same therapist for 7 of those 8 years, and she was great. It was like, if I was not her patient, we could have been friends. It was really nice, and I healed A LOT. I was out of town for 6 weeks, so my husband could undergo some therapy for his TBI’s. I was having a hard time, called her, and she told me that I was healthy enough to take care of everything alone. I felt betrayed to the core. Needless-to-say, I do not see a therapist any longer. I know they are not all bad, but I think I have had enough damage DONE by therapist to last me awhile.
I have always enjoyed writing, so I thought that doing this, reasonably anonmyously, might be good for me– we shall see.
I have been through a lot in my years, the different kinds of trauma is kind of funny, but more on that as this blog progresses.
I am not sure of a format for this blog, I just plan on writing my thoughts and or feelings. Thanks for your time.