This is me…

I have spent a lifetime feeling what others push away; all their crap. All.Of.It. 

My parents used to tell me that I was too sensitive. I wanted to be a psychologist when I was in high school. My mom told me that I would not be able to do that, because I took things too personally. It was the only time she said I could NOT do something.

I need alone time quite often, because of everone’s drama. Every single person is pushing SOME kind of crappy feeling away— and it all comes to me. 

I do get to feel some of the good stuff, but most keep that to themselves. Some may say that I sound crazy; and I am, but not because of this(haha).

I was explaining this to a therapist a couple of years ago, and she told me that I am empathic. That expalined a lot, I suppose. 

I have a hard time in public; the feelings get overwhelming, and for some reason, people feel the need to TOUCH me, which I have HUGE issues with.

I have learned to compartmentalize rather well, but I stIll get overwhelmed, at times. I am very sensitive and being able to compartmentalize has been vital to my survial. To others, it may seem like I am stoic, or I have no issues. There are times that I just want to scream that I have feelings and they fucking MATTER. 

Since that therapist told me about being empathic, other things in my life seem to make a little more sense. I LOVED sports, lettered in 3 sports all three years of high school. They were NOT team sports. I ran track and cross-country, and played tennis(singles), and danced tap, jazz and ballet. Girls are balls of emotion to begin with, and when I had to feel all the bad stuff, I was better off on my own.

I was voted “best shoulder to cry on”, in school; and have always been a good listener. The only problem was, if I needed a shoulder, nobody was there. They all ASSUMED that my life was awesome.

I am not sure how this is going to be received, but here goes… My husband said something one day that kind of surprised me. he said that he figured that my life was very easy and that I could get whatever I want; because of the way I look. I told him that my looks are one of the reasons my life has NOT been easy. One fucking woman even tried to run me over with her car; even told the cop! Not a THING happened to her, either. I went to the hospital. 

I will no longer be suicidal. I should have died three times, and God kept me alive. I am still struggling with WHY He kept me here, but I am working on it.

Thank for reading. God bless.

My husband sent this to me from Facebook.
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5 thoughts on “This is me…

  1. We are what we are, good and bad and strong and weak, it all makes us what we are. I can say yes you are sensitive and you are empathic, and maybe instead of being a weakness it is your secret strength. The last profesional I saw, after hours of tests and more hours of talking, always talking, told me I was a rabbit. I was sensitive, loving, caring, hopeful and helpful, always trying to find good in others, always forgiving. Yet not able to protect myself. He said the thing most scary and worrying about me was I was not able to , nor did he think I could, protect myself. I told him I no longer needed to worry about that. I had Ron now, my knight in shining armor, my shield , my strong arm, my weapon when needed. Also I understand I am a rabbit, however even a rabbit if backed into a corner facing a threat will defend itself as best it can. I am not the underfed, small scrawny abused kid who was taught to shrink at every raised fist. You are not that person you were in childhood either. You are a proud woman warrior. You survived, you fought, you did not give in, you do not give up. You can be proud of both the people you are, as you are the sum of them both, the sensitive child and the empathic woman you have become. I remember the first Star Trek episode, Empath. Do you remember it. IF not the plot was advanced aliens took Kirk, Spock, Mccoy, hostage and hurt them to get an empath to save them but to do so she had to be willing to hurt herself almost to death. Why they explained they were doing this was her people were dying and only someone willing to do that would save them. Looking back I see the plot holes, they could have saved her people themselves or let Kirk do it, but the point still stands. An empath willing to take others pain unto the point of almost death is a power with no equal. From what you say, you are that empath. A fitting tribute I say. I agree. Best wishes. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are sweet, thank you. I do remember that. My husband made me a collage for my secret identity. Wonder Woman. Not a secret now :). Thank you for all your kind words and understanding, I am very glad that I have connected with you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Why do parents say you are too sensitive. Mine said the same. It is in my baby book for heaven’s sake. Why not say, soft hearted, or like you said empathetic. I love that much more as it is a compliment instead of an insult to a a quality I wish everyone had!

    Liked by 2 people

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