I have to go to the dreaded VA today. This time it is dental. THEY have been good; once we got past their being all judgemental and shit about my teeth. You try and PUKE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY for six years and tell me in what kind of shape YOUR teeth would be in. It really frustrates me when some dickhead says that they care, and I KNOW they are lying. There is no way I am going to tell these dangerous people that I can FEEL their lies.They already tried to tell me that my now diagnosed, chronic illness(that THEY caused, by-the-way) was all in my head. Just another crazy vet.
I went to my new, useless primary care last week, I think, and I am not proud to say that I lost my temper– big time. At first I thought it was just because the doctors at the VA gave me more, or new PTSD(however that works), and that was why my feelings were so out of control.
Since starting this blog, I have been reading others’, and I want to thank ALL of you. I have learned a lot. One thing I have learned, is one of the reasons being in public is sooo emotional, is that I feel everyones’ emotions. There is an unbelievable amount of pain in this world, and I have known that since I was a child.
I also FINALLY figured out why perfect strangers want to fucking touch me– which I HATE. I have been told that I am beautiful, but I KNEW that was not the reason- other attractive people are allowed to go through life without being accosted on a regular basis. They are attracted to my vibrations, my energy, and that is a huge weight lifted off of my chest.
I have gone 48 years without really thinking about what it means to be empathic- I just suffered. The only way I can describe the feeling, is like the relief(and vindication) I felt when I finally got my diagnosis of gastroparesis after 6 years of being deathly ill, and the VA telling me that I am crazy and this was all in my head.
I apologize if I am rambling. The way I do my blog is just to write what I am thinking at the moment. I am making myself at least proof read what I write.
I guess that I will close, for now. I want to thank you, again, for helping me so much. I really, really appreciate it- you have no idea. I can count on two hands, how many people have been kind to me, in my 48 years on this earth.
You all have a great day, and God bless.